Saucy Minx

You.  My thoughts can’t help but to linger on you.  Where are you?  Why are you not here with me?  Why am I alone?

 Alone.  I shouldn’t feel so all alone.  I miss you. 

Memory recalls a fonder time, a time when I came first.  Maybe it is naive of me to feel that I should come first.  I need you.

I ache to feel your loving touch.  It’s been an eternity.  I yearn for you.  Why have you left me?  I cling to the memories.  It has been better, I know.  Will it be again?  Will we walk along the sidewalk sharing thoughts of mortality again …or is this it?  Has our time together come to an end?  What is the next step?

I fiercely tear at the skin on my lip…

Is this it?  I want more.  I need more.  I need you.  All of you.  Why have you left me?  Why do I feel so alone?

Agony.  Agony is being alone when you are there.  Why can I not speak to you anymore?  Where are the emotions you shared with me? 

What is to blame?  No one but us.  I have tried to place blame on your job.  I have tried to place blame on friends.  Only we are to blame.  Why has it gotten to this point?  Where are you? 

How do we fix this?  I don’t know.  I yearn to know the answer to this question, but it escapes me.  I try.  Do I?  You try.  Really?  Are we compromising to make it better or do we let it go along, boiling?

Where are you?  I need you.  Why have you left me?  In body you are here, but your mind wanders.  Your devotion and affection wavers.  How do we fix this? 

My lip starts to bleed.  The taste of blood is familiar, but not pleasant. 

A door closes outside.  Is that you?  It can’t be.  You are not in a car.  A horn honks.  Are you okay?  I worry. 

I want nothing more than to talk to you, to feel at ease speaking my heart to you.  Please come back to me.

I love you.

I confess.  I read gossip columns a lot more often than I should.  I mean, who doesn’t want to know where Britney Spears is partying this week.  And Lindsay Lohan, don’t even get me started.

 Lately though, I’ve been feeling a little differently about gossip.  I’m bored with the same ‘ole thing.  Why isn’t there anything new to talk about?  So what the young starlets are out drinking and snorting?  It doesn’t effect me.  I still have to show up at work the next day and go about my daily life.  I’m getting tired of only hearing about celebrities on the news and all over the internet.  Isn’t there anything more inportant to talk about?  Isn’t there a presidential primary coming up or something? 

The limelight is taking it’s toll on the youth.  Why do children want to be famous?  Don’t they realize the cost of fame, or does it not matter to them …  I read a study recently that showed the percentage of children wanting to be famous is more than want to be doctors and lawyers.  More than anything, even to be actors and musicians, children want fame.  The lure of fame could have a disastrous effect on society.  The important stories are eclipsed by celebrity. 

The average lifespan of a democracy is 200 years.  The United States is 230 old.  What brought about the end of the Roman Empire?  It wasn’t interest in politics or war.  It was corrupt from the inside, citizens not caring about society anymore.  Obsession with celebrity, games, gladiators … 

I don’t know how to fix the problem or if it’s too late already.  Only time will tell.

 I really need to look at this more often.

Well, not yet.  Now he’s more like a bug eater.  But one day I’ll be able to depend on this little guy to protect my house and family.  Doesn’t he look threatening?

For now he’s just content to watch.  This past Saturday we took him, for the first time, to schutzhund training, which I’ll just call guard training ’cause it’s easier.  Some of the dogs there were just awesome.  There was a particular German Shepherd Dog that looks just like Kiefer, only much larger.  He had the same coloring, so I’m thinking Kiefer will look like that when he’s older.  In which case, he’ll be a very good looking dog, despite the elf look as a pup.

These dogs are so well trained that if someone comes up and tries to steal you vehicle they will jump through the window to attack!  That’s pretty cool.  Or, if someone tries to rob you they’ll attack until you tell them to stop.  Then you just say “guard” and they sit and bark at the guy.  I don’t think I’d run anywhere. 

At first the thought of attack training my dog kind of scared me.  I want to be able to take him out in public or around children and not have to worry.  The trainer alleviated my fears though.  He said that the most effective attack dogs are also the most well socialized.  For example, how is your dog going to protect you if you can’t take him anywhere?  His dog is an attack dog and a therapy dog.  They’re trained so that they recognize a threat and react only when they must.

My mom is getting married this weekend, and I’m putting together a list of the “greatest love songs of all time” for her.  Of course I don’t know all the greatest love songs.  I like 80’s love ballads, so obviously I could use a little help.  Feel free to leave suggestions.

God Only Knows – Beach Boys
Can’t Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley
Maybe I’m Amazed - Paul McCartney
At Last - Etta
Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers
Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper
Your Song - Elton John
You’re Still the One - Shania Twain
(Everything I Do) I Do It For You - Bryan Adams
Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion
I Only Have Eyes For You - Al Dubin & Harry Warren
The Way You Look Tonight - Dorothy Fields & Jerome Kern
I’ve Got You Under My Skin - Cole Porter
It Had To Be You - Gus Kahn & Isham Jones
Someone to Watch Over Me - George & Ira Gershwin
The Very Thought of You - Ray Noble
Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion
I’ll Stand by You – The Pretenders
From This Moment – Shania Twain and Brian White

No meaning.  Just random, jumbled thoughts.

Why?  What is the purpose?  How was it so wrong?  Why should anyone have to choose between their families and their lovers.  It is unfair to force any person into that decision, and even more unfair to blame them for it. 

Is there no middle ground…no happy medium?  Why must it be all or nothing with you?  Why can’t you accept that it’s hard for me.  Why do you keep commitment from me? 

Family is my past.  They will always be there for me, whenever I may need them.  You are my present and future.  Without them I would not be what I am today.  Without them you would not love me. 

It’s my fault, yes, there were other ways.  Why is it on me to make everyone happy, all the while only to be miserable.  I can not control the actions of others, and neither can you, hard as you try. 

The only fair thing about this life is that it’s unfair to everyone.  Don’t give me a choice, an ultimatum.  Be patient, understanding.  This too shall pass with enough time.  Know that I love you, and for all my faults I try everyday to be a better person for you.  Sometimes I fail and sometimes there are trials and tribulations.  If we work through these and grow together then we will last forever.  If not, …

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I love you.  Love me.

I’m not exactly sure how I let Joey convince me to put a deposit down on a puppy.  When we went back to pick him up I felt very wary about the whole dog idea.  It’s not tha I don’t love dogs, it’s that I’m living in sin in a one bedroom apartment with my boyfriend.  And he didn’t want an average sized dog, he wanted a dog.  Yes, German Shepherds are smart.  Yes, they’re like little people.  Sure, Honey.  Whatever you say. 

But you know what?  He was right!  After researching the dogs and finding a very reputable kennel, we put a deposit on a new baby.  And then we waited.  And waited…and then we debated. 

“Are you sure you think it’s a good idea,” I would ask Joey.  And one week his answer would be a resounding “Yes!” but other weeks he wasn’t so sure.  So, naturally, I questioned the decision, agonizing over it as I tend to do.  I even made a pros and cons list, and the cons won!

Then the day came and we got the long awaited phone call. 

“The puppies are ready.  Please come out and pick out your baby.”

Excitement and nervousness ensued.  Really?  That was the quickest month ever!  We’re not ready for a puppy.  We don’t have any toys for him, or a bed, or even a crate!  What are we going to do? 

I remember seeing him for the first time with all of his brothers and sisters around him, and I knew then that he was the one.  His face was a little lighter than the others, and he didn’t cry when I picked him up.  I held him the whole way home and fell madly in love with this wonderful little puppy. 

And so it is with great pleasure that I introduce to you…

Kiefer

Lately I have been questioning the very fibers of my being.  This might seem a little strange, but let me explain.

 I have always been a carnivore.  I love steak.  Or chicken, pork, fish, lamb…pretty much all meat.  I like fur.  I love the way a mink feels right next to your skin.  As a child, my favorite coat was made of rabbit skin.  I never even thought about where this fur might be coming from, or the meat that I so dearly love. 

But then one evening it happened.  I sat at home with my boyfriend and my ground beef tacos and watched a movie that changed my thought process completely.  Fast Food Nation.  Have you seen it?  If you appreciate a nice medium rare steak then I suggest you do not.  The old saying “ignorance is bliss” certainly holds true in this instance.  I was not aware, or chose not to be, of the conditions in slaughterhouses; not only for the animals, but for the workers as well.  I won’t go into the details of what I’ve learned, but I will say that if everyone knew of these conditions then I would hope people would work for change.

 I’m not going to become a vegetarian.  After thinking about it and researching for a few days, I have decided that there is a better way.  And it’s not that I don’t think animals should be consumed, it’s that the way they are treated before slaughter, and sometimes during, is wrong.  So now my problem is not “how do I justify eating meat” but “where can I get meat that I don’t feel guilty eating?” 

Have you ever heard of the Slow Food Movement?  They promote preserving local food traditions, opposing fast food and actually savoring freshly cooked meals.  They also speak for local farmers and butchers, suggesting that instead of purchasing all yourmeat and produce from a large chain grocery store that it would be worth a little extra time and effort to try the nearest farmers market.  So this weekend, instead of hitting the Wal-Mart on Sunday with everyone else, I’m going to try the Farmers Market.  Besides, nothing tastes better than a fresh peach. 

I started SaucyMinx with the best intentions.  I wanted to share my food trials and tribulations with the world, or whomever would listen.  But alas, I can’t remember to take the camera with me when I do venture out to new restaurants, which is quite a bit less often that I had imagined.  I tend to frequent the same places, and as much fun as I would have writing about trying different menu selections at The Blue Goose, the sad truth is that I usually have the same thing.  Does anyone want to read about the cheese enchiladas or the fabulous margaritas more than once?  I wouldn’t, and so I shall spare you.

 Since the name of my baby web log is SaucyMinx, I have not completely confined myself to only writing about food, so I’m going to start sharing other experiences, thoughts, stresses, achievements, failures, etc. with you as well.  However, I’m sure you will have to endure a few more food entries as well, so be prepared.

Recently I have been dealing with tremendous amounts of stress, mostly centered around my relationship.  Utilizing Google’s new Blog Search I found an interesting post that I wanted to share with you.  This post was written by Jane Collingwood from PsychCentral.

Almost everyone lists relationship difficulties as among their top causes of stress. Although we have a need to be connected to others, our relationships commonly are a source of misery.  Stress triggered by relationships can show up as problems such as depression, difficulty sleeping, or high blood pressure. Understanding that stress can be caused by our relationships — and the unique ways we and our partner respond to it — enables us to avoid these symptoms, make the most of the relationship, and sail through the ups and downs.

However, all relationships are different so we have to figure some of it out for ourselves. If we are not aware of exactly how we are acting, we may experience relationships as distressing and painful without understanding why.

We often misunderstand relationship problems because much of the time, the causes arise from hidden patterns within us, not from others’ behavior or attitude. The problem is we often don’t notice the role that we play. Hence, many people are left in the dark over what it takes to create a happy, successful, long-term interpersonal relationship.

One useful approach to dealing with relationship problems involves these steps:

1. Defining the problem, e.g. “My husband doesn’t pay me enough attention.”
2. Identifying the patterns which are causing the problem to arise and continue, such as low self-esteem, for example.
3. Thinking of ways we might be contributing to the problem, e.g. ignoring displays of affection.
4. Taking action to disrupt the automatic behavior patterns, e.g. noticing small signs of caring.
5. Seeking outside help. If the problem continues despite your best efforts, relationship counseling might help.

Some common negative relationship patterns include:

• Assuming we know how to make a relationship work. Many of us assume that our relationships should work just because we are good, nice people. The truth is often that to succeed in our relationships we must learn to recognize and deal with problems. Most people think that if they just find the right partner or if they feel strongly “in love” with another person, their relationship will succeed and they will live happily ever after. This common mistake is a hidden cause of stress. Instead of finding out what it really takes to succeed, we act like we already know. But it’s a life-long learning process.
• Trying to change people. Much of our relationship stress comes from our conscious or unconscious attempts to change or control other people. We try to get others to behave differently, and when they don’t change, we become frustrated and angry. If we keep trying to change them and fail, we just get more angry and disappointed, while they may become hostile. But if we try to change our partner into someone who thinks, feels, and acts just like us, we are judging them rather than respecting and appreciating their differences.
• Being critical and blaming. Of all the relationship-destroying patterns, the most damaging is the tendency to blame someone else when relationship difficulties occur. But this stops us from seeing the part we play and the fact that often we have the power to successfully resolve the problem.
• Ignoring others’ opinions. Another relationship-destroying pattern is invalidating others’ opinions and points of view. This stems from our basic tendency to want to be right most of the time. But while proving yourself right may allow you to feel temporarily satisfied, your partner often ends up feeling hurt and resentful.
• Comparing with other relationships. Avoid this tendency at all costs! Remember that even though other couples may look happier, we never know what really happens behind closed doors.
• Not dealing with anger and criticism. Instead of defending yourself or counterattacking, assume there may be an element of truth in the accusations or criticisms from others. Benjamin Franklin once said, “The sting of any criticism comes from the truth it contains.” This will also cause the person to stop being angry. Keep the focus only on what you did or didn’t do and ignore any generalizations or personal attacks.

Try to recognize when these patterns are triggered within you and resist the temptation to act upon them.

Tips on working towards a successful relationship:

• Make a deep commitment to the relationship. Be aware of the loss of freedom this involves, and the need to keep your promises.
• Accept the other person as they are, including all their faults, weaknesses and quirks.
• Communicate openly and honestly. Share your feelings and listen attentively.
• Take responsibility for your mistakes.
• Be open to negotiation and forgiveness — aim for a good compromise, and keep going till you get there.
• Use conflict positively to stimulate discussion. Try to let go of your need always to be right or in control.
• Give and receive support, trust and loyalty.
• Have fun together and be friends too!

Learn more at http://psychcentral.com/.

I have heard that the second year in a relationship is the toughest, and by no means was it easy.  The second year brought with it many trials and tribulations, but I am thrilled to say that we made it.  With flying colors, more in love than ever before, we made it.  And what do we do to celebrate this success?  Why, eat, of course!

I have heard many good things about Maguire’s.  I’ve heard that it’s eclectic, modern, down home with a twist, and delicious all at the same time.  I have to agree.  To celebrate the occasion we ordered a bottle of wine, a Reisling, which was crisp enough to go nicely with the calamari, and just sweet enough that I could finish it with dessert. 

The calamari was good, average, nothing extraordinary, but nice.  It was served with a sticky Thai sauce, which was a little too liquidy for me.  It wasn’t sticky, as the name implies.  I ended up opting instead for the marinara, the epitome of calamari normalcy.

I had a very hard time making a selection for the main course because so many things sounded good (maple smoked salmon, pistacchio crusted tilapia, chicken with mango chutney), but I went with a bacon wrapped shrimp.  It had a much better name on the menu, but I can’t remember what that was.  It was stuffed with poblano peppers and cheese, served on a bed of fresh, delicious rice.  I have one complaint only: the garlic butter with the dish (yum!) was a little overwhelming in the copious amount they deemed necessary to serve.  My rice was swimming and my shrimp was dripping.  If the butter would have been on the side it would have been excellent, but as it was I can only say it was good.  Great flavor, texture, presentation, just too much butter.  I like butter.  Too much better is hard to do, but the chefs at Maguire’s sure did it. 

Dessert was pretty good.  We got the chocolate lave cake, and it wasn’t disappointing by any means, it just wasn’t fantastic.  The cake was a little dry, but the flavor was nice.  The selection of fresh berries served with it was exceptional.  I do think, however, next time we will go with the apple pie with dulce de leche ice cream as Joey pleaded for in the first place. 

 Bottom Line : I’ll go back, and I may even get the same thing, but I will make sure that the butter is on the side and I’ll try a more exotic appetizer - maybe the crab shooters.